Quiet, too quiet......

I've noticed the server has been pretty empty lately, and it's no fun playing on an empty server. Let's all try and get on just a little bit more

Well, school has started, people have jobs, and there's other appointments and things that have to be done. Most people also have more than just the one server they play on. And there's the timezones. So, most people are on whenever it's a good time for them.

Well, and there is also the vicious cycle of people not going online because people don't go online.^^ It just gets boring if you have nobody to talk to.

And there are also the timezone problems. I for example are mostly online when the people from america are working since there is a time gap of about 6 hours. And at the time these people get online I'm already sleeping.

And then there's the bother of everyone on wanting you for something. "Maille, mail, MAILLE!"
I get on another server where it's "Vol, VOL, Volstaff!" and people leave me alone 'cause I'm just another lowly player. ;P

Lol. Yeah, I get that. I'm having next to no time to do anything, let alone play MC. That and my laptop is being stupid and my internet connection is bad. Overall I just miss you guys. Wish I could hang out more.

I miss everybody, really. Even myself.
I've felt so alone and out of touch with... everything since Syhd left. Today is an especially bad day.

I know it'll take connections with people to pull me back, and I'm making efforts in that direction. I tried to get into ballroom dancing so I would have a conduit for going out and meeting people, but that just made me more depressed because I couldn't find a partner to take lessons with. Now I've joined a church group and signed up for being a conversation partner for foreign exchange students at the university.
It's all going to take so long, though, and I'm going to hurt the whole time. I hope I can find the energy to keep going through it. I'm already so tired. I shouldn't have waited so long for her to come back; it used up all I had, and almost destroyed me. It may yet.

I'm such a mess. How sad is my social life that my dearest friend was someone on the internet whom I've never met... who found it so easy to just disappear without even a goodbye?

*cricket cricket*

D= Keep going to those social things Maille! Remember that you are a member of a huge population of people! You're not as alone as you think!

Unfortunately I can't find anywhere that I really fit in. And every time I try to reach out to someone to make a real connection, I get slapped down or just ignored.
Syhd for example. I thought we could have something, but when I tried for it, she ran away without even saying goodbye. She just left me hanging, thinking that she would come back. Even now, she complains about having no social life. What does that make me that she would prefer having nobody over having me? She won't even speak to me. She's not the first to do that, either, but she was the first that I actually thought I had a shot with. And she was the only one in 8 years that was able to reach my heart in the little box where I had it locked away so I wouldn't have to feel how lonely I was.

I just want someone that I can make happy and share life with. It only gets harder as I get older. I'm almost 27 and still haven't found anyone that will even give me a chance.
I wish I knew what's so repulsive about me. I'm not bad-looking, not pushy, I'm kind, honest, intelligent, and bathe regularly. So what's wrong with me?

There are always times like this. But it'll go by and open a path to a brighter future. I've also had this happen more times than I want to remember and probably too many times for me to care anymore. (And I'm only 20)

There will come a time you find someone who can reciprocate your feelings. Don't give up because of one or two setbacks, there is always someone. You might need time to find this one person, but it is certainly there.

And I think you have a pretty good chance since your character is really nice. Just don't give up and go further, even if the road ahead is hard.
Who knows, maybe there is someone behind the hill you just can't see yet.