Personal update

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Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Tue Sep 18, 2012 10:26 pm

First topic message reminder :

Lately I've been wondering how you people are doing and what they're up to since we don't play together anymore. And it struck me that you might be wondering the same of me, so here it is.

I'm still pretty messed up emotionally, but I'm making headway. I was put in touch with a singles group that formed out of a local church a year or two ago. It's not a normal singles group, though. It's more about having people to hang out with than it is about finding someone to date, and that's exactly what I wanted. They are also the best group of people I've ever met, and they sincerely welcomed me right to start with. They speak kindly to each other, keep their language clean, and really care about each other. I can't imagine a better place to be than with them. They've been really good for me.

We meet on Mondays and do a bible study. Every couple of weeks, someone sends out a group invite for some other activity, too. On Saturday last week, several of us met and watched the football game. Though there were only a few there that actually cared about the game (me not among them), we all had a great time chatting about random stuff and watching our team get creamed.

Later that evening I went out to learn line dancing with a few of them at a smallish bar/club sort of thing called Electric Cowboy. Unfortunately it turned out horribly. I guess I just can't handle that kind of environment. It's too bad; I had been really looking forward to it, but the longer I was there, the more uncomfortable I got. After an hour, I had to leave and ended up having a panic attack on the way home -- nearly wrecked due to getting faint from hyperventilation. That had me messed up for the rest of the night and most of Monday until I went to bible study. I guess I was just fine on Sunday because I hid out at home all day.

Friday this week a few of us are going to get together and watch the Hunger Games movie. I still haven't read those books. I hope it measures up to all the hype. It'll be nice either way; I really enjoy spending time with them.

Aside from that group, I've been playing a bit of single player Minecraft, replaying Skyrim, and I signed up to be a conversation partner for a couple of foreign exchange students so they can improve their English. The Minecraft technic pack finally got out of the dark ages of 1.1, so that's what I've been messing around with in single player. My Skyrim replay I'm doing with a vampire mod and the Dawnguard expansion. The two students I've been speaking with are both from the Middle East. One is from Iraq and the other is from Saudi Arabia. We just meet for an hour or so each week. Hadi, the Iraqi, gave me one of his Arabic CD's to listen to. The more I listen to it, the more I like it. It's too bad I can't read Arabic to be able to find more on my own. Pandora has no Arabic/Middle Eastern stations that I've been able to find.

I've also been taking care of my big sister's dogs and cat since she's been far along in her pregnancy. Today, she finally gave birth to her daughter, Embla Jane, so I'm now Uncle John. affraid This is going to be interesting. So far, she even seems to have turned out mostly normal. cyclops

So, what's up with all of you?
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Re: Personal update

Post by Blazinfox555 on Tue Jun 04, 2013 8:26 pm

Well, I'm taking summer classes, so I'll really only be able to get on during the weekends. Just letting you all know. *sneaks on for a bit right now*
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Re: Personal update

Post by Lord_Dust_Bunny on Mon Jun 17, 2013 3:44 pm

Can the server be upgraded to the recommended version?
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Re: Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Tue Sep 29, 2015 7:50 pm

Big changes coming up for me. I just resigned from my job, effective at the end of October, so I'll be looking for something else to do. I'm thinking of going back to school to be a physical therapist. Instead of fixing copiers, I'll help fix people. Smile
Going to school will probably mean finding another job to pay for it, though. We'll just have to see what happens.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Blazinfox555 on Wed Sep 30, 2015 5:38 am

Sounds like a big change! Good luck with it! Please keep us updated!

I am still struggling with finding time to set aside for TreeCrafters, but I have not forgotten about you all.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Wed Sep 30, 2015 5:52 pm

I missed you thursday, Blazin. If you were on it must not have been for very long. Are you going to get on tomorrow evening?
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Re: Personal update

Post by Blazinfox555 on Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:20 pm

If I get on it'll probably be during the day. I wasn't able to get on last Thursday because I ended up having lots of chores and then went on a walk. There's also the hurricane that's hitting the east coast tomorrow, so we'll see if I get rained out and keep power or not.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Fri Oct 16, 2015 12:36 am

It looks like I'm going to be offline for a while. My trusty old desktop has given up the ghost, and my laptop hasn't been able to run minecraft at all for about a year. I need to figure out what's going on with my laptop and replace the motherboard (I think) in my desktop.

Oct 23: I got my laptop working with minecraft, so I can play again. Still haven't ordered anything for my desktop, but it's not really a priority right now. Just one week of work left. Very Happy
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Re: Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Thu Jan 14, 2016 5:18 am

Well, things have been moving along (not always the most smoothly, but most definitely good enough.) I just got back from another vacation to Wyoming to visit Aria's family. Got to do some cross country skiing while up there. That was a fun experience, and by the end of it I was actually doing better than they who had done it before. Aria's brother-in-law let me play Fallout 4 on his computer while we were staying with them; lots of fun, that. I brought my savegame home with me so I can get right back into it when I get the game for myself (which has already been ordered.) Wink

On that note... computer updates. Smile
Before leaving, I ordered a new motherboard/processor combo for the desktop machine that I trashed. It was waiting for me when I returned. Installation was a breeze since I'd already done all the cleaning just before I trashed the old one. It even fixed the computer, so now I'm back into my trusty old desktop -- like, really old. I built this thing in April 2008. Luckily, Aria offered to help me out with purchasing parts for a new one for Christmas. I even got an offer from someone who wanted to buy my old desktop for general non-gaming use; that's why I bothered fixing it. Here's the parts lineup we finally ordered for the new rig today. http://pcpartpicker.com/p/hFp3hM. It's going to be a beast, and even has room for a second graphics card for SLI when I feel like I can afford it. Aria is covering most of the cost and I can get a few hundred dollars for my old rig, so this is really only costing me a few hundred dollars. It was time to replace my 6 year old mouse, too; I've just completely worn it out. I bought the new mouse locally today, so I can use it while waiting for the parts to arrive.

The case is nothing special to look at, but, of all the parts, that took the longest to find. It will allow me to filter all the air I'm pushing into it so it stays clean inside, it has one slot where I can put an optical drive for my old game discs, plenty of room for the long graphics card, room for nice big intake fans to provide a positive airflow (for filtering), and room for the CPU radiator I'm sticking in the top. A tough combo that's well worth sacrificing looks to get. The hard drive will actually be a PCIe flash drive to bypass the speed limitations of even the SATA 3's 6Gb/s spec that the motherboard provides. I have a few extra HDDs lying around that I'll choose from to stick in for automatic backups for when that flash memory eventually (inevitably) reaches its write limit. I'm sticking with my old monitor setup, though, so I needed a couple adapters for the DisplayPort output of the graphics card since the old monitors only have DVI input. I think I'm also going to take my first dip into overclocking to try to squeeze a little more juice out of this sweet setup. I've been afraid of it before, but now there's a lot of information out there that I think will allow me to do it relatively safely.

It'll be very nice to have a nice new, powerful, and reliable computer as I go back to school as well. I won't have to worry about the risk of the nearly 8 year old parts giving out. I'm still not enrolled in classes as I'm waiting for the admissions application to go through, but I'm optimistic that everything will work out. My test scores were better than I expected, and I've gotten everything to them that they asked for. Since this'll be my first semester it won't matter much what classes I can get into as long as I get enough hours to do full time like I plan, so the late registration shouldn't matter much. Classes are supposed to start on Tuesday next week, though, so I do hope Admissions gets a move-on.

I'm so excited about my new computer! Even the fans I ordered are making me giddy.
See you guys around.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Wed Jan 20, 2016 10:06 pm

I got my new computer put together. Woot! And it is a thing of beauty.
Before, I had most of my graphics settings in minecraft turned all the way down. Render distance at 6, a 32 bit texture pack, and fancy leaves were the only quality settings I kept off the floor. Even then I was getting low fps overall and awful framerate drops in my base so everything felt very jerky. Now, though, I have everything turned up all the way, render distance at a reasonable 9, anti-aliasing at 8x supersampling in my graphics card driver, Better Foliage turned on, and I'm getting a steady 60 fps in the most taxing part of my base. Everything looks great and it's smooth as silk. I'm loving it. flower
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Re: Personal update

Post by Blazinfox555 on Fri Feb 05, 2016 9:38 am

So...I've basically disappeared because I have started playing Minecraft Regrowth on the Mine Your Mind node 2 server. Feel free to check it out. It would be cool to team up or build close together.

Also, loving botania. I think it would be a neat addition if we attempt a new mod pack at some point.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Mon Aug 15, 2016 11:30 pm

I'm getting depressed again because I feel like I'm losing everyone. The bible study group I've been hanging out with has been slowly shrinking, and they quit organizing things on bible study night or through email so I get left out of all the stuff outside of bible study. I don't see them in church because they all go to the late service while I go to the early service. Any time I try to sleep later to go to the later one I just sleep all the way through and miss it. On the few occasions when I manage to find out about a group activity I can't participate in conversation because I'm so different from everyone; nobody but Aria seems to have anything in common with me. When I invite the group to do things nobody shows up. I can't afford school this semester because of several things sucking up my money right now. And most heartbreaking of all is that Aria doesn't seem to care if I'm around or not. She doesn't talk to me except for very occasional texts and idle chat at bible study. She's working almost nonstop, so I can't call her. Even knowing how sad it's making me to be left out of the group, she doesn't even tell me about group activities she's going to until it's too late for me to get there or after they're done. Yet she hasn't broken up with me.

I'm hurting and confused and hopeless. I'm losing everything meaningful and there seems to be nothing I can do about it. Even you all have gone your separate ways. I'm falling back into the same emptiness that God lifted me out of 4 years ago. He has shown me how much I need friends and how much I need my darling Aria, and now He's taking them all away. I don't understand it. All I have now to hang onto in the world is the idea of moving to Wyoming when Aria finally dumps me.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Althing on Wed Aug 17, 2016 10:51 pm

I wish there was something I could say or do that would help solve at least one of your problems.
However I am inept when it comes to this sort of thing. I'll try anyway though.

The Bible Study/church group:
I can't give any more advice here other than Pray. But don't pray for it to be 'fixed' or for there to be a way to get into the circle. Just pray to God, for his will be done, and if it be his will that he show/tell you what your response needs to be towards the situation.

I can understand a bit of what your going through.
I have no friends, beyond people I interact with at work and church, and none of them count as my age group.
I'm separated in age at church by at least 15 years upward and downward. As for the emotional low, I'm somewhat Bi-Polar so I go through periods of Optimism to long periods (possibly weeks) of pessimism that I optimistically call Pragmatism, but really it's hard to see the good in anything and everything feels like it'll fail so why bother...
I use gaming to help self medicate for that at times. (I should be going to God instead, but honestly I don't always do what's best...)

Anyway back to you. You said
"He has shown me how much I need friends and how much I need my darling Aria"
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say your wrong.
Maybe not then, I dare not refute that God pulled you out a a bad place in the past, and showed you the power of Community, Friends and Love.
However, You. Do. Not. Need. Them.
Right now you want them.
What you need, and I mean REALLY need is God.
You can survive with just God.  You just need him to show you how. It's possible that's what he's building up to.
Leaning on anything in this world other than God will kill you. I'm not saying you have to be alone to be saved. But I am saying is that from your language, you MAY be more attached in some measure to Aria, Friends or even us then you are to God. And THAT will kill you. It may be a lesson God needs to show you right now, once it's finished you may have everything back again (Think Job).
Sound unreasonable? God wouldn't do that? Friends, Family, Love are good things, God wouldn't take them?
Problem is you and I believe in a Jealous and unreasonable God.

• Luke 14:26
• Hosea
• Ezekiel 4 (remember someone did it, it was a living metaphor)
• Genesis 22
• 1 Corinthians 1:22

God is teaching me some interesting things right now as well.

Aria:
Yeah You can ignore anything I say here, my understanding of romantic relationships is still based on theory and not practice.
That said I'm surprised she didn't have a ring on her finger yet. (this is NOT me advocating in any way that you attempt to remedy this)
I will admit though, from your description, she seems to have become a bit colder.
I don't have enough information on her character to guess why this is so.
She could very well be overwhelmed by the amount of work she has, as well as the stress involved with that (some you may not know of)
Or her she is the type to postpone that dreaded confrontation until she really has to.
If she is an Introvert, Introverts need Personal and separate down/alone time to recharge (sleep doesn't count)
For some introverts that can be done alongside those we love, however thats not 100% of the time.
I still live with my parents, and we are all introverts, we love each other, get along great but we still migrate to separate rooms after a long day at work to recharge.
Even my parents seperate from each other and will regroup after recharging.
So it IS possible that seeing you in that badly needed time interferes with that.
Granted that doesn't account for her not enabling you to properly join her enough with group activities. But that can be partially explained if she is planning far enough ahead to account for your desire to continue with her after the event is over.
A partial and potentially useless string of ideas. But I have no tricks to rekindle a romance etc..

Your 'stuck' again with the cliche concept that you have to Pray about this.
But again don't pray for the obvious. I know you want her, I know it sucks. It's just that despite being with her looking like the best option right now, God may have a better idea.
You need to pray that again His will be done. (Luke 11:2) His will may be (and often is) contrary to your will, but if we can't trust that his plan is better, we have no business claiming we follow him.
After all if we can trust a Doctor when he says the best plan is for you to let him knock you and and cut you open with a knife, then we should be able to trust God in things like this.
Of course an Atheist sees this idea as nonsense, at best an excuse for inaction driven of of delusion. But I don't believe 'fighting' for her with some grand romantic gesture is the ticket.
It might be, ask God if it is before doing anything though. Ask God what to do period. If he doesn't give you specifics, just do what seems best, but slowly, and constantly check with him.
You don't need to say or do anything that will make the situation worse.
A good piece of advice that I've heard and used states that when you are presented with two choices or paths, and you are unsure of which to take (pros and cons on either side)
and God doesn't give you a clear answer. Take the path that involves the most self-sacrifice. It's usually the correct one. (annoyingly enough) All too often after choosing with that as your criteria God will validate that choice as being correct. Again find Gods will, not your in this. It'll be hard, regarding Aria your self-interests are very strong and it will take much prayer for God to temper it enough to hear him clearly.
Please assume that your mind is clouded on the issue, there are enough romantic metaphors throughout history that supports the short-sightedness of those in love.
(Ignore romantic movies, they lie.) Without Gods will and advice you'll be making decisions based on the fear of losing her, which may lead to you losing her :/
IF I were in your situation regarding Aria I might do the following:
1. Stay friendly and open with her. Might seem obvious but some people might respond coldly in return, or grow desperate in their actions.
2. Continue to attempt to make plans to be with her. However wrap your head around enough to view it her perspective. I:E if she's swamped, try not to be to clingy.
Be there but don't be in the way. Solve her problems, don't be one of her problems. Pestering her to be with you when she's reluctant for ANY reason is just... bad.
Just think of a really clingy girlfriend texting you, calling you all the time when your schedule is too full to do anything about. Not saying you are, just saying don't be that.
3.Pray Daily about this, pray before Calling her, Texting her, talking to her, meeting her. God needs to guide your words and actions.
Submit to what he tells you to do. Want to ask her out, get the feeling you shouldn't? Then don't.
4. Pray for her. She needs it.
Okay done here.



I still think of you and this group though. I do miss hanging out with you guys (as much as that can done online)
I am busier now, I'm trying to upgrade some of my skills via online classes, that and work, family commitments, as well as obligations to the church.
Plus I've been trying to limit my gaming a bit lately, it was briefly out of hand again and interfered with other things.
However if we can come up with a game we can agree on I can try and schedule time for us to play again.
Sounds like fun actually.
Vanilla Minecraft might even be an option, cheaper to rent a server than FTB or other modded configurations. Plus to be honest as much as I liked the Tree challenge, getting tired of building everything with logs was one (just one) of the reasons Xkea and I moved on.
But another game might be an interesting change of pace. We should toss some games back and forth to see what pops out.
Ever looked at Starmade for example? I haven't played it for a year, but it had a lot of promise. Terraria gets old though, too adventure oriented in the end I think.


Anyway I hope you forgive me for feeling I had some sort of right to give advice.
Also I'm sure this post is too long in some way and or the advice is an ill fit. But the intention was to help. Personally I find straight sympathy to be less helpful.

I'll be praying for Gods will in your life. It's the only thing I can guarantee you need, and the one thing I can guarantee will make any real and positive change.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Lord_Dust_Bunny on Sat Aug 20, 2016 1:14 am

Not much to say, but if you want someone to talk to or play with we're here for you.


Last edited by Lord_Dust_Bunny on Mon Aug 22, 2016 4:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Personal update

Post by Althing on Sun Aug 21, 2016 10:43 pm

Spoke to Xkea today, might be able to get him to play too.

Just have to wait to see what Maille says. I'm getting a small sense of what Maille put up with as I check everyday for his response. (Except yesterday. Was away from home all day..)

Anyway... Anyone looked at MC 1.10 yet?
Saw the change log, haven't look at videos or played it yet.
IF we end up playing vanilla MC I don't feel like starting and trashing a world. (yet again)
So I'm waiting.
I wouldn't mind Ark either, but I don't suppose I managed to convince either of you to pick it up again.

There are also games like Empyrion - Galactic Survival (which I have)
and Space Engineers (also have)
Not that I'm very good with them yet, still some alternatives.

Seems like our common gaming interests involves some sandbox building.
Plus the great thing with building games is that we don't have to be online at the same time, every time in order to enjoy everyones participation.

Or... we can do something really offbeat and Free Form Role-play.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Althing on Tue Aug 23, 2016 1:07 pm

Nice to see Dust is checking in Daily too Smile
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Re: Personal update

Post by Althing on Wed Aug 24, 2016 7:01 pm

So I started playing MC for an hour, it was actually fun again after having left it for quite a while.
So.. for the heck of it I activated my free Realms trial.

You guys are more than welcome to join me on the server.
If we enjoy it, I'll keep paying for the server for a while. Not sure it will be with Realms or not, but before the trial runs out I should have a better idea.

One surprising thing is that at first glance it seems Realms doesn't do the standard heres your IP thing, but works off of Player Invites.

I believe I've successfully invited Mailleweaver and Dust.
If not please let me know the exact spelling of your current MC username and I will rectify that problem.
Anyone else reading this can PM me and I'll think about letting you play Wink
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Re: Personal update

Post by Althing on Wed Aug 24, 2016 7:22 pm

Forgot to mention, it's Vanilla MC with Vanilla rules.
Although your free to follow any and all challenges strike your fancy.
No one will interfere with you if you follow the Tree challenge, underground challenge etc..
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Re: Personal update

Post by Althing on Fri Aug 26, 2016 8:46 pm

Looks like Xkea will be joining us for a whiles well.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Blazinfox555 on Sat Aug 27, 2016 9:13 pm

I may try to hop on Thursday (my day off) or over this up coming long weekend.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Althing on Sat Aug 27, 2016 9:23 pm

That would be awesome Smile invite sent.
I'll post the coords of where Xkea and I setup later.

Place a base wherever you like, plenty of room for everyone!
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Re: Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Tue Sep 06, 2016 12:34 am

Lately things have been getting better and worse at the same time. There's one friend in my group who is worried about me and trying to include me. Even after knowing me for 4 years, I think she's finally starting to see how socially inept I am. Her efforts are helping in a way, but she's one of the loudest in telling me I don't need Aria, which is not helpful. More importantly, I've found out the true root of why Aria has always been unaffectionate (and lately, completely uninterested) in our relationship.

Everyone I talk to tells me the same thing: "You don't need her. You only need God. Forget her and put your focus only on God."
That's both true and untrue, but it's wholly, completely insensitive. God has created in me a need for him that is filled through her. I need her like I need sleep. Sleep is not God, true, but sleep is of God. Nobody would ever tell me I don't need sleep because they also know that God created sleep specifically for physical and mental needs that he gave me. They know I'm not idolizing it or ignoring Him by spending 6-10 hours sleeping every day; that's just the way God makes most people. Nobody seems to grasp that God creates emotional needs beyond physical, mental, and spiritual ones that can be specific to an individual. Just because He didn't give them a need, they think that He can't have given it to me. They aren't sharing my pain or helping me face it; it seems to me that they're just saying it's wrong and I shouldn't feel it in the first place. How is that supposed to help?

I've always desired and felt a need for someone to share romance with. It was mainly this unfilled need that broke me 4 years ago and caused me to reach out to God. When he put me back together he put Aria in my life, and she filled that want and need. I've never been happier. When I'm with her or thinking about her, sharing love, I'm closer to God than I've ever been. There's such a huge amount of love flowing through me that there's no possible way that it's coming from me; it's like I have a main-line connection directly from God. Feeling that connection with Him is what makes Aria so special to me. This is the need. When I'm sharing love or affection with her (whether hugging, holding hands, washing dishes, grocery shopping, talking, catching her eye across a room, whatever) I feel God through the love and behind the love that's flowing through me. Time with her is time with him; loving her is communion with him. This unconditional, awe-inspiring love I feel for her from Him has taught me so much about him. How much I want her to love me back has given me the slightest idea of how much He wants us to love him and has taught me how to love him more deeply than I knew was possible. The same goes for trust, thoughtfulness, conversation, gifts, service, and loads of other things. Loving Aria teaches me how to love God and how to recieve his love for me. And it teaches me how to submit to his will.

There seems to be no way, though, for me to let that mains connection with God flow by myself or with anyone else no matter how much I try or beg him for it. Some people can find it in quiet study time, or in service, or in singing, or in fellowship, or in a million other ways. God makes us all differently. Sure, it can flow in little dribbles through other relationships, but for me the real connection with God is through romance--in sharing a deeply intimate love with another person--everything else just taps off of that. The healing love has to flow, else it fills me up and eventually spoils, turning into loneliness that breaks down my heart like acid. And I've already promised that Aria is and will be my only earthly romance. There is no longer the option to wait for or look for someone else. (The reason for this is a whole other story that nobody understands--not even my counselor. I can see now that it was a hasty promise, but it's done and there's no way to change it. So don't bother telling me it's wrong to have done it or that I don't have to keep it. I know unequivocally that breaking a promise to God is wrong.) This is both good and bad. The bad part is that it makes me feel desperate and dependent on her for my only chance at romance and my only chance at a life flowing with love instead of stagnant loneliness. The good parts are that it has given me the patience and determination to never give up on our relationship no matter how hopeless it seems and that it reminds me of how powerless I really am and how much I have to depend on God to keep my relationship with Him (and her) strong. She fears that I've set her up as an idol or that I love her more than God, but it's just the opposite. It's only because I love God with every part of my being that I can love her so much.

I understand, now, why Aria doesn't understand me, though, and why she hasn't been able to reciprocate my affections. After 4 years I've finally, finally learned that she doesn't feel any of that connection with God through what she feels for me. In her eyes and in her heart, He's not part of our relationship; He's not in the love she says she feels for me. No wonder she tends to act so cold and withdrawn when she's not forcing herself out of it. No wonder she has never understood how emotion can so overwhelm me. No wonder she fears how much I love her when she doesn't know how mindbogglingly HUGE God's love is. She's never felt love fill her up so much that it strained her very being and burst out in wracking sobs and free-flowing tears. Maybe I love her more than she loves God. All she feels for me and other people is what she's been given the ability to produce herself, which, by our flawed nature, is quite limited on the positive end. I never knew just how limited until God overflowed my limits. My cup runneth over like all the rains of heaven are filling it, and cups are made to be filled only so they can be poured out. I can't drink from my own cup, though; it's not for me. My thirst for God is filled by pouring out his love to Aria.

Learning that Aria has never felt God in our love made my heart fall like a magnet to a steel table--swift and startling--but it also showed me the hope I'd lost that our relationship might have a future. (Isn't it funny that sometimes we have to be dropped into total darkness to see the hope that's been there all along: a light sometimes faint, but always shining?) What should be the main dimension of any relationship still hasn't opened up on her side. I didn't know it was possible to feel love without feeling God. If that upward dimension can open then there is still hope for us. I thought that I'd already given her all I could in helping her become more confident and trusting and less fearful, but now I see that there's still something even more important that I can help her find. I can help her see God in love and in our relationship, and I can (maybe) help her find where her mains connection with God is waiting. If I can learn to be God's priest to her so she can know the boundless depths pouring into the cup of love I offer to her, then maybe we can someday truly share God's love for each other. Only then can she wear my ring.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Mailleweaver on Tue Sep 06, 2016 1:25 am

Dang, that essay took like 4.5 hours to write so that it comes close to saying what I mean. That's part of why I'm no good socializing. To say what I really mean takes little time to speak but hours or days to compose. Conversation doesn't work that way.

When I play minecraft these days, I always do it on test.minecraft.ms. I'm a moderator there, and I have some nice builds. I've not played much lately, though, since it got boring with so few people to share my builds. Creation isn't fun for long without anybody to show it off to.

I've mostly been playing Fallout 4 but am just about burned out on it. The level 150-something survival mode character that I meant to be my final, ongoing character has had a settlement script corrupted by Bethesda's patches so that settlement happiness can't change, and for a long time I couldn't even recruit settlers. That takes a lot of the fun out of improving settlements, and settlements are the biggest fun of Fallout 4 now that I've rid the whole wasteland of baddies. I'd just roll back to an old save if it was recent, but it started around level 30 and I only recently found out what was causing it. Now that it's fixed, putting in the time to get another character up to the same level of progression and rebuilding all my settlements yet again seems only like a chore instead of fun. Avoiding that was the whole point of building a final character. I guess I'll just have to wait until Bethesda is done mucking with things.

I got on your realm and polished up one of the village houses as a quick starter house for when we first log on or respawn. I made one of the walls a place for the five of us to display personal banners and hung my own. We can use these to identify our builds. Banners are a bit more attractive than signs in most cases.
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Re: Personal update

Post by Althing on Tue Sep 06, 2016 12:58 pm

Huh I think I have a better understanding of where you are now.

First off I would like to say I think your insight into Aria is cool.
It would in fact explain a lot. "If I can learn to be God's priest to her" while I disagree with the argument that a Christian can bring a non-christian to God through their relationship, also called bedroom conversion, I think that it may be possible for you to reveal more of God to Aria. Also as I understand it that is in part one of the roles God created for the patriarch of the family.

As for my the comments on seeking God first.
I can't and won't vouch for what others may have said. My comments on the subject were not meant to discourage or even to suggest you had to or should live without Aria. What I was aiming at is this. If as you say God gave you Aria (which I don't doubt) then give her back to him. Your stress, worry and fear is a direct result of a lack of faith. You fear losing her. You are trying to take control in a small part this element of your life. But God needs to be in complete control. Give Aria to God, and he can then continue to give her to you.
Abraham and Isaac. God gave Isaac to Abraham. Isaac was Abrahams focus, his pride, his joy in life. God had to demonstrate and remind Abraham of who is and should be first. It wasn't until Abraham completely surrendered Isaac that God allowed him to return home.
That's what I was concerned over.

When a Christian fears over something it means they believe that something is going to happen contrary to their wishes. But doesn't God have control in your life?
If he gave you Aria to begin with he can keep you together. If he says it's time to part, you have to believe it's what is best for you and her.
The peace mentioned in the Bible is the result in knowing that when God has control of your life, whatever occurs to you is what God himself has allowed to occur, and it is better for this thing to happen then if it had not.
Do you remember when Paul was bitten by the snake while picking up firewood?
Paul simply shook the snake off into the fire, and continued his work.
The people around him were horrified because they thought Paul would die, but Paul was unconcerned.
When I first read that years ago I thought Paul was unconcerned because he knew that God was protecting him and therefore the snake couldn't hurt him.
God may have been protecting him, but that wasn't the source of Pauls peace.
The peace came from knowing that if God allowed a snake to bite Paul, and if Paul was poisoned and died that was obviously Gods will, and that Gods was what Paul wanted. His peace came from submitting his will to God. Paul had done what he needed to do. God told him to feed the fire, Paul did so. Paul had dedicated his life, that day and that task to God. There was nothing he could do or needed to do about the snake. It was Gods job to determine the result of that event, whether to end end Pauls life ingloriously or to use the event to reveal the character, love and power of God. Paul was fine with either result, because nothing was more important than God and His will to him.
(He didn't even get concerned enough to ask God to save him from the snake bite!)

So again I'm not saying to give up or abandon Aria.
I'd love for you to be together. I'm just saying that a Christian who has surrendered everything to God, does not fear when God takes one of those things away.
If you gave Aria to God, it's Gods job to move her closer or further from you as God deems best. Your stress shows that either you haven't given her completely to Him or that you don't trust Him to do what is best.
Right now your exhibiting the emotional signs equivalent to constantly reaching for the steering wheel from the passenger seat. Either you trust the driver or you don't
This isn't about sorrow, or your emotional needs. It's whether you trust God to continue to give you that outlet.
Remember:
GOD gave you Aria when you needed her.
GOD knew what you needed.
GOD knows what you still need.
GOD wants what is best for you.
GOD is capable of giving you what is best for you.
and most importantly,
GOD loves you.


Btw I don't mean to suggest that anything of this is easy.
It's hard to completely surrender anything much less your whole self to God.
I am familiar with surrendering this particular thing to God though.
I also strongly long for a romantic relationship.
But I felt it was best to surrender that to God, and God in his wisdom has not deemed it best to give me that so far.
Not perhaps what I would have chosen for myself, but it's better than bucking against his will. Now if only I could give everything else completely to him... but that is another problem..
It's funny though, God has quite obviously separated me from dating. I only believe in dating inside my denomination, and when I first joined the particular church location I'm at there was only 1 single, and eligible woman there. 2 weeks (2 church days) after I started attending there, God packed her up to another province for job training, where she met someone and got engaged. So that settled that.


Okay done with that now. Hope we are still friends Smile


Glad to see you on the server, sorry to have missed you though.
Looks like you logged in an hour after I logged out.
I'll have to check out what you did when I get a chance, I'll OP you too.
I'm close to spawn as well. You may have noticed a trail our torches leading out of the village, that heads straight to my home. I hope to catch you online sometime Smile
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